MATATU CHRONICLES – Dreamliner

Hey hey hey!

First of all you guys as I’m writing this I am drenched… This smart girl left her umbrella Yaaani… So I get to town and it’s pretty sunny so I quickly get to kencom and today I am feeling courageous enough to stand in line. And yes the line is hella long!

Wait… Apologies for the long silence… And no sijapanda bei ooh sijui uber everywhere… #Javvnation #matatulivesmatter

Where was I 🤔……

Ah yes… So I get to the line then it start drizzling… And the ninja in me keeps cheering me on. So it’s about six thirty pm and so I plug in my ear phones and now in the rain with a fire playlist I’m feeling invincible ( please if you saw me shivering… That was not my real face… I AM A STRONG BLACK WOMAN!)

then… This strong wind blows and alas! The rain intensifies but I’m almost at the front of the line and I’m certain I’ll board the next javv

So drenched, the few of us who opted to fight the good fight finally get to board the matatu.

So I sit at the window of the two sitter side… And snack on my pie as other passengers board. ( The pie story…. See next post)

BTW… I’m I the only one who low-key chooses who I want to sit with as they get in😂

So as adjudicator in chief of the seat mate association… I pick this guy… Looks well built and athletic and I’m just there struggling to make eye contact partly praying telepathy plays out to let him know that the sit next to me is specially set for him.

Yaaaaaaaaaaas! He gets the que and now smiling comes to sit next to me. So this is one of those days when I am not feeling chatty so… We just sit there in silence .

So you guys don’t know the definition of stuffy until you are in a javv on a rainy day with drenched people who are too cold to open the windows.

After like ten minutes we finally set off. So I pay my fare as I try to fight of sleep ’cause enyewe after a long day some rain and now a full tummy… I was struggling….

When I was picking buff guy I hadn’t thought through the kastruggle of how we would fit on that chair… So cause I was getting uncomfortable I sat leaning forward on my bag. And gradually drifted

…..I’m not sure if I am excited about this next bit or I’m embarrassed 😂😂😂

Good people….😂… When I opened my eyes…. I was shocked😅…he had stretch out his arm on the upper part of the seat and…. Guess who was safely tucked in his arm?😅😅

It was I!

And you know with all the confusion we wake up with after a nap…. I was just there smiling sheepishly 🙈. And before I could say thank you he got up and alighted 😂.

Now I’m home and I’m sure it was not a dream…. Cause everyone was just staring at me until I got to my stage and I was just there awe stuck…. (considering the fact that I have been laughing at people who sleep in javvs)

Perfect stranger was the perfect stranger….

Ps: if you are reading this Mr. Buff guy… We need to talk… #findmymrbuff

Carpe Diem!!

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SUNNY SIDE UP – about a week ago!

About a week ago…

About a week ago , I was feeling optimistic when the sun came out and for once I felt it’s warmth.

About a week ago, I genuinely smiled for the first time in a long time ….that explains the state of my ashy lips.

About a week ago , the feeling of the wind on my face brought me closer back to the very reason I wanted to feel… Hence the burst of emotions.

About a week ago I spoke with such bliss and my dark cloud sat next to me in awe at the fact that I speak at all.

About a week ago , I thought a thought that didn’t require caution tape around it to prevent any further damage.

About a week ago I finally looked in the mirror and recognized the person I saw… It’s been forever since I saw her.

She’s beautiful BTW, maybe not ready to be back though because….

About a week ago, she packed up like the last time and hit the road running.

Funny how she always told said ” if you ever see me running, you had better run faster, cause our lives are probably in danger” simply she doesn’t run unless she has to.

About a week ago, I was alone again, but this time I know she’s coming back!

MATATU CHRONICLES – Crazy Monday!

I keeeeeeeeent!!

Just cannot even! *sigh!*

So hello Monday morning… Why would you do me like this though… *sobs*

 

So I finally resumed school… So I’m back to my crazy morning marathon.

Sasa today… It was raining so bad in the morning so I had to wait until it was better so I could leave the house…. Only to get to the stage and realize everyone else was thinking like me😂
Anyway I get to the stage and the longer a javv takes to get here the more people converge at the bus stop… The more my anxiety rises
Battling five people for a seat is okay… But now there are twelve..oh wait …twenty…. Oh nooo I’ve lost count… There are like five million people here * okay super lie lol *
Base line…is I’m out of practice for this… So a javv finally gets here and after the good fight…(battle steps and matatu life hacks are on my previous post so you can peep) there for tips)..I have to settle for a back sit… Big L
Ooh the music in this javv today …makes me feel like I’m in a crusade my freeeeen…then its on full blast yaaaaani …alafu there is no leg room … And the traffic woi… Issbadbad!!
BTW did you know the pavements along Ngong road don’t have the same number of tiles… Though they are in a sort of logarithm…. Yes I’m still counting… A tally shall be done in due course… But why I’m I counting?…. Aaah yes …we’ve been stuck at this very spot for like 10 minutes now and I don’t think the person I’m witted next to and I are at level conversation of this trip yet… Still at grace period …😂😂

Oh things just got weird… So we’ve just been listening to this crusade type of music then its gone silent then…..”wasafi…!” Diamonds song starts playing…kwisha😂😂😂… The way this music just flipped is super crazy… To think its one long mix…why would a dj do this?

Ooh look traffic is now moving… I’m about to get off I’ve got to go now… If you have any good excuses I can use today please hit me up… And in case you are reading this and you’re already in class please just support my excuse😛

Carpe diem!

Sunny Side Up!- This love hate affair.

​I know I promised it was the last time…

But you were there you saw it all.

I hope you understand that… It wasn’t my decision to make..

But you know I love you .. Right?

Hand! Hand ! Listen…

You know I love you…

But sometimes I have to…

All these crazy thoughts have me feeling so numb…you were there you saw.
All I needed was to feel something…

So the blade was all I knew…

So I know you don’t fancy this abusive relationship we have but its the only way I can feel…

I love you … Cause of how you make me feel…. You’re my sanity

But you know insanity clicks sometimes and I have to curve these lines on you just to remember why I live.

Over the years your tears have turned scarlet red but don’t fret Darling…

Just one last time!

Wishes! – Sunny side up.

​I wish I wasn’t so outspoken …cause maybe then…you would understand that there is a scared me behind all this.

I wish I didn’t laugh so often… Cause maybe you’d empathize and not just settle on “aaah she’s having a bad day”

I wish I wasn’t this popular…. Cause maybe then I’d have an honest tag “broken! ” rather than “Slay! Slay!”

I wish the cool captions and comments were what I could soak my bones in….cause maybe just maybe it would feel the emptiness

I wish I could hear the right music when the monsters in my head start to scream.

I wish this was not just some literally works …cause then you’d read between the lines and realize it’s a broken girl reaching out!

But only getting an applause for such great creativity… In portraying the troubles no one except her can fathom.

I wish the sun would stay out…and never have to go cause he was the only one who stayed long enough in her life… And always came back smiling.
I wish I may I wish I might have the wish I wish that’s right!

MATATU CHRONICLES – Life hacks 101

The biggest hustle of being in a Kenyan javv is definitely in the early morning rush hour. Having stood at a stage for soooooo long everyone starts getting impatient and frustrated so there is scramming for the javv then the hustle of  actually getting space in the javv
This morning, I’m running late to meet a home girl of mine and despite it being a Saturday… The hustle still continues😑

So step one …. Ruuuuuun and scramble for that javv … Battle a few people here and there then baaaaam get to the door of the javv

Then… I’m just about to get on and the driver decides he’s going to set off so I frantically cling on to the railing at the door…. One hand on the rail the other clutching my bag cause I could loose it in this fiasco…

Finally run a little to get momentum to jump on and then…pheeeeew! I’m in the javv…
So now here is where your prowess in a javv has got to come through😂😂

The isle is full but you need to grab the rail on the roof to maintain your stability

Yes this rail thingy …..

At the same time you need to ensure that you don’t get stepped on so…here is the test of multitasking.

Kwanza today I’m in open shoes *disaster in progress* 

So I’ve settled in… Eyes on rail … Eyes on the ground …then back and fourth ..now on a loop cause isspart of the hustle.
Theeeeeeeen…. Your reflex has to be super good cause there is always that clamsy person whose body is like jello and they have zero stability so they are likely to bump into you over and over …

Let’s not forget the people of the hands😑…. These ones are the ones who are holding the rail with one hand and have no idea what to do with the other… So their hand keep touching your face and arm “accidentally”!

Then here is one short person * note — I love my short people* who is getting super frustrated cause they can’t reach  out that high so they are just left perfecting the art of surfing hapo!!!

Lastly… The part I really hate… The fact that there is too much… Body contact now you need your elbows out… To protect yourself….

So get this …. One hand up the other elbow out tip toe…then keep ducking once in a while trying to evade the hands people🙌…for about an hour every morning.

Please… If you have noticed a drop in my weight and I told you I was at the gym….ISSALIE!!! #matatucardio

Carpe Diem!!

SUNNY SIDE UP! – The State of Mind.

Once upon a time I believed that monsters lived under my bed … But no one ever warned me of the monsters in my head.

Sunny side up they said!

Keep all those sad …mad …crazy thoughts bottled up… They said!

Showing it all out is a sign of weakness so suck it up… They said!

But the monsters in my mind… Ooh one of a kind … Continue to taunt me day by day.

I’m afraid of the terrors of the night and I hope the sun stays up… I pray….

Cause I’m not really sure if this is insanity… Or just uncertainty.. What I’m sure of is the voices … The monsters have these voices … Can you hear them…

They are growing louder …. And I’m screaming I’m drowning can you hear me call out …look into my eyes and tell me you can’t see this…

Or maybe its cause I’m hiding behind this funny side up… I have to put my bright side out… Inhale… Exhale …. Keep that sunny side up!!

MATATU CHRONICLES IV- Jam session🔥

Hello Hello Hello 🙂

Happy new year !! ( your one month trial of 2018 issover time to start living proper!)

So I recently acquired a reserved seat on a Matatu … * VIP MANENOS*… But it’s one of those Javvs with a driver with endless stories ! If you are reading this… Thanks for making my trips funny…. Matatu exposé coming soon… I have to share the stories I’ve been told! But that’s for another post!!

Anyway… Here is the viiiiiiiiibbbbbbbeeeee!!!

Okay… Here is the story ( I’ll not stretch this)

Recently I’ve javved to places I had never been to by matatu… ( nothing boujee about this though) and there is a whole demarcation of matatu culture with every route I’ve taken.BUT…we can all agree that the music is almost the same
So on Friday I’m on matatu #1 for the day and there is this audio mix playing that is fire🔥🔥( do a fact about me… I lowkey enjoy riddims… Not the creepy vulgar dancehall sort of riddims… More like heart and soul typa riddims)

And I’m really trying to contain myself… Refraining from bobbing my head aki !

And the tout who is doing Monkey business on the railing at the door is singing his heart out! He’s looking at me now …. Probably wondering why I’m not letting the beat take over me 😂. (If you get this reference … You should be married my freeen!)

I’m now just about to get off and the mix is at the Dj drop part ….like…”This is your number one Dj… DJ… Call your Dj on zero…seven.. One..one…zero..two…” And off I was!

No battling for space in the next matatu this is a more chilled stage and I quickly get on to the next javv

Funny how the previous mix continued like ” *trumpet sound I think* your Dj on …zero..seven..one…one..zero.. Two” 

I was a little too excited I forgot to adjudicate the person I was going to sit next to. Then … She , an elderly lady, turns to me  now singing the songs and along with the DJ’s drop she goes like ” Onnnaaa huyuuuu!!” * I keeeeennnt eveeeen!*

And I’m just there like….

Person on my right side on the other hand… Drunk ! ” Karibu rrrrrrrridim bazzzeee !” He says looking at me. He’s just in his own zone at this point. 

No lie he was singing all those lyrics word for word and on the right key

I’m trying to contain my laughter and also maintain my cool…

But he looks outside …. Squints, then starts telling me about how the matatu is flying… And goes ahead and uses aeronautical term….giving the analogy of how the last time he was in a plane he had to go turn near Ngong hills so he could land!
An honestly this is what I imagined he was seeing …

Then it hit me… I was trying to act all composed and like I was waaaay better …but sometimes you just need to enjoy the little things that bring you joy! Age didn’t limit the person around me… Nor did the situation of the man next to me… So I took a tangent * been waiting my entire mathematics education life to say this 😂😂😂 * and let the music flow … Bobbed my head a bit when I felt like it… In a hush tone … Said “On a Huyu!” When we got to the drop… Because for those few minutes I’d found friends … Who may never remember me😂 ..lol but who made my day a little brighter!!

Carpe Diem!!

MATATU CHRONICLES – Tout of my dreams!

Vibe… Viiiiibbbbeee my people’s viiiiiiibbbbbeeee!

Okay, calming down… * inhale exhale*

So there is this guy! He swept me off my feet. No really he did!… I remember like it was yesterday… But when I think about it it was yesterday ( technically the day before I first put this down)

So I’m waiting for a matatu at one of those make shift bus stops and after about an hour of waiting for an empty javv this one shows up.

Super relieved though I was super late for a meeting in town! * if you’re reading this and I told you I was stuck in traffic on this day … My sincere apologies!* so I brace myself for that mini battle with other passengers to get into the javv. My matatu people I bet y’all understand the hustle …my Ngong road people eh?
So where was I …. Hmmmh… Yeah… The matatu arrives and oooooh my people there he was! Not your average tout!

This one …heaven sent I tell you heaven sent!!

He was in a black suit ,black tie and a white shirt! Not some boujee suit but compared to the usual funny looking ones *not all some* he was an 11 on my scale of 10… Hus dreadlocks tied neatly in a man bun and the Cologne …. Oh … It just blessed the dusty atmosphere!
So I suited up for battle … Elbows out ! Backpack now being carried on the front for safety purposes! Time for the test of strength!!

Baaaam! This excruciating pain in my eyes! Then I sort of couldn’t see for a while. Before I could get a grip of the door handle I felt my feet leave the ground… A strong set of hands clenching my arms.

All I could think of was … The theme song from a series I loved watching when I was younger…. Something like … Somebody saaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvveeeeee meeee! * smallvile – idk if that’s the spelling*
And alas! I was now in the matatu…. The tout asking me questions… I reached out for my specs that were supposed to be on me …but now he was holding them. Right eye lens shuttered… My right eye sore and red! * yes that’s what happen to my spectacles …Velma moments*

But for sure this guy has changed my perspective of touts… I didn’t get to know his name… But just in case you ever read this Mr. Goodman Sir thank you for not being oblivious of the distress I was in!

I got medical attention BTW….I’m feeling much better!

MATATU CHRONICLES II – ( Dog days!!!)

Hello,

*wave emoji*

So … Last week … Was one of those weeks with dog days!

Six thirty in the morning and I’m stepping out … It’s a really cold morning and today I decide to put super effort on my dressing.

Then, as I’m walking to the bus stop the heavens opened… A little too wide though. Yaaaaani the rain that poured was on another level! Like have you ever been rained on you decide to close your little umbrella and just strut it tgrough paddles. Well that happened and I’m like “That’s it!” * read as – daaaaaaz it*

Then baaam! It stops raining , and I look like I just fell into a pool and for sure I’m not showing up for class like that.

With no way out ,I rush back to the house and change. Without a forethought * learned joke – evil laugh* I get into Jeans and my Friday tee #Note- this is on Monday morning# its actually written Friday so yes my Friday tee.

This time , I rush to the nduber stop * Nduber (noun) [nduthi- motorbike + Uber]* and set off “cause all the mini buses are full.

So the Nduber experience is one of a kind!!My face is going numb already cause of the wind that’s hitting me smack on the face .Then kicks in the awkward moment when you just agree to whatever the driver is saying because you can barely hear him.

Something like;

Driver: kwbsysvvjaishbsvahan … Eh?

Me: Eeh , that’s true!

Definitely the longest three minutes of the Nduber experience!

So I get of the bike and jet into a matatu and this tout is like ” mmoja tuende ,beba beba fifty fifty tuende” so I get in and guess what? …. Like ….really… *serious face emoji* I said guess!! 

Okay… Well we were only two people in a fourteen seated . In uttermost frustration, I just sat there as he used the same line to get more people in.I’m certain my face looked something like this *see image below*

More like the one on the right cause it was one of those glasses days

Then finally we set off *happy dance*

As usual I’m seated right at the front and I unleash this new, clean two hundred shillings note. Fingers crossed that the person behind me doesn’t do the… Aaaargh!  They did it! That irritating poke/ tap  on the shoulder of the person in front of them people do to let you know that the conductor is collecting fare.

So I hand out my money and the note I get back is a very sad crumpled one. Jommo Kenyatta was lying prostrate on that note aki * ignore this bad joke*

……..Moving on swiftly …….

He ,the tout, gives me back one hundred shillings and I’m like ” eeeh two hundred minus fifty ni one hundred and fifty boss!” Then as usual my people have to wait for that one person to complain so they can follow through. The whole matatu goes up in an uproar asking for change
Then the tout insists he said “fifty fifty ” and two fifties is one hundred. The driver on the other hand starts to drive even faster as passengers are now demanding that they’re let to get off.

80km/hr…. 

Passengers; “Tushukishe!!!” (Let us get off)

100km/hr….. My little people are loosing it and are now huddled in one corner *little people – see next post*

120km/hr …. Now I’m just seated there in silence … We’re going downhill pretty fast…if you’ve been with me in a speeding car I’m certain you understand the scared to the point of silence anxiety I was having there.

Then… We all heard the clanking of the door and the grazing of metal on the road.

In utter most disbelief… There was pin drop silence * allow me to use this composition phrases – its been a minute*

The door fell off * now I’m not to sure if this was scary or hilarious*

The driver stops finally and everyone gets off laughing hysterically!

So trying not to look like a chicken… I join in the laughing. The tout on the other hand runs off and everyone is too tickled to even bother chasing him.

Halfway freaked out halfway tickled I walk away… Praying my next ride is nothing like this!