MATATU CHRONICLES – Pettimous Prime

Hello hello hello good people!

Welcome back to our little safe space for javv nation and before you ask where I have been ,the rumors are not true bado niko team #footsubishi and #shoebaru #javvnation  guess  I know I know ….don’t worry I’ve missed you guys too. There is tons to catch up on buuuuut while  Iam still on this plantation break this story must be told ama? 

Heeeh let me start with, I changed my kawaida route I’m now officially a highway citizen * civilization is that you ?* but who is Nairobi, the traffic is still the same old same old. Okay tuende sasa! * insert tout whistling*  as you are aware, the big germ has turned the world upside down and the new normal is affecting even the transport sector. this means no squeezing, but in some cases no tout either. Sasa for the last week I’ve been learning the ka trend on how to get the driver to stop at your stage.  confession confession, at first I wasn’t buying it but recently I’ve gotten the thrill to use the coin on window tactic

[ coin on window – this is the action of bumping a coin against a glass window making a clanking sound usually used by touts to alert the driver a passenger is about to alight]

However, I think I might be too slow cause I get my coin out two stops before mine and brace myself for that clink clank, then when the time is just right… another person does it before me. let me tell you today was the day, I have been observing and today I had planned to ensure that I get to clink and clank that coin. so here we go;

The first stage, my coin is out, I’ve been saving this 40bob for this day.

The second stage, a quick glance around to ensure I am in for a win today.

We are almost there now and here I am counting down  ……three ….two..wait what …klank klank… *pettiness kicks in*

what just happened and why am I alighting already? who did that? N.A.I.R.O.B.I!

good people, by the time it hit me I was already on my next javv. I had been played! this young son of Abraham let’s call him Box, had beat me to it. in fact, he even had the audacity to wave a little as the javv drove past me. I’m not even hurt BTW but just in case Box gets to see this, let it be known that this coin war is far from over. Aaah! let me get back to work now, we strike again in the A.M!

Stay safe and Carpe Diem!

MATATU CHRONICLES – The laws of attraction!

Hello good people

Its been a minute, *still under construction* but here is your monthly dose of #javnation. So I’m here on my Monday AM commute, its about 6:30 am but contrary to my regular route, today I’m leaving the CBD.

There is barely a struggle to get a matatu at Bus station and being super choosy I take my kawaida deputy driver sit.

Y’all know the drill I played myself as usual and ended up sitting next to this guy. High as a kite stuttering with his every attempt of coherence. But still trying to engage both the driver and I in kidogo small talk.

After much resistance I caved and was like hmmmh why not? Engage!!

Now the matatu was almost full at this point and kidogo kidogo…we set off for high rise. For those who have never used these matatus the AM commute on this route is full of vendors who have gotten their day stock of veggies and other stuff… So its full and stuffy🙄.

Behind me ( okay let’s call it 1st class…the seats that are right behind the driver) is a whole load of stuff and one passenger and one box that caught my eye was one with the Kenchic logo… Aaah my mind is drifting again… Here I am thinking about chicken 😭🙆

Why I’m I like this though… Aaah noooo.

Okay #javvnation the drunk guy has at this point fallen asleep on my shoulder and my arm is numb. But at least he’s quiet. Almost 15 minutes later, we are at high rise! I quickly get off and head on into school.

Today I wasn’t in a rush …sow I take sometimes to get through some chapters of my read for the week. Then, I start to hear a bird tweet a little too loud. And I clearly can’t see it … so I ignore it but it just gets louder…argh! So I reach into my jacket pocket for my earphones ….and then it happened!!!

I’m not sure if this is cute or yuck but guys..there was a chick in my pocket 🙆😂😂. So y’all remember the kenchic box yeah?He was in there. Chic-chic ( okay name I later settled for) was in there looking at me… And here I was trying to act all calm and cool as I let him out of my pocket and into this bug eats bug world! Please be kind if you see him on campus.

Did I just kidnap a chick or was it more like prison break? I’m a chick magnet huh!🤔

Carpe Diem!

MATATU CHRONICLES – Tuchronicles twa tuktuk!

Hello hello hello good people!

Happy new month …2019 has all of us on our toes can’t believe its already halfway in. Anyway lovelies…here is your dose of #javvnation 😊. The other day a friend if mine asked me why I always get these crazy javv experiences …and it’s been on my mind since. Though I did give this corny response ” I don’t look for stories they look for me!” 😂😂

As I try to figure this out … Today morning I was on my AM commute route and I just couldn’t get a nduber anywhere. The rain on the other hand has zero chills yaaaani it was just bad. So now I was left with one option …. taking a TUKTUK🙆

Like every bad decision, I took it out of desperation. All this just trying to be on time #new year new me manenos . A yellow katuktuk stopped and I got in as the 5th passenger. Now if you have never been in one …the hustle is real in them. Its basically a scooter type of cabbie with a car like structure. Okaaaaay that’s making it sound classy. Its a scooter with a bench at the back🙄.

Where was I…. Aaah yes! I got in and as is the trend around here the driver rushed off. With no shame!! The level of pimping this particular one had undergone though was on its own level🙆😂. First help me understand the essence of neon bulbs in this thing. And the speakers😂😂 ah ah feedback is the only sound they give. At least his playlist was 👌.

We had been on the road for like five minutes when suddenly there was a loud thud! Then I realized that we were on the ground. In unison, we all burst into laughter. What cracked is up even more was how like 3 bystanders came and just lifted the tuktuk back into its right position why was all of this funny, this thing had been tipped over by a bottle! Then it was like a really tiny accident. I’m just here wondering how I’ll explain the grazes on my hand as coming from such a petty accident. Oh I mean a little slip😂😂😂😂😂. An ooops moment.

Carpe Diem!

MATATU CHRONICLES – ” Fast and furious! “

Hello good people😊

So guess who is back ….. Mhhhh….yes it is I N… Y… O to the N A. ( read in cheerleader language) well let’s dive in to this. What are the odds that you would be carrying an extra pair of shoes around?

So you guys its like 6:00 am and as usual that’s when my javv day starts. And just like any other day, I am at the stage chilling for my AM matatu.

So this old mat stops at the stage and we get in and I’m seated at the front with the driver ( deputy driver chair) and some guy comes to sit next to me.

Soon, the javv is full and off we go. Now something weird about the morning commute is that its usually very silent but things can switch up really quick. Its like everyone is usually waiting for one person to start making a fuss and they follow …unleashing their full potential🙄.

And just as I said, this one guy calls out the driver for not trying to use an alternative road. You guys we were stuck in morning traffic for like a whole hour. So as people joined in with the name calling and the shouting at the driver… He chuckles and kidogo kidogo , he starts laughing out loud.

” Mnataka kufika haraka sivyo? ” he shouts . and in unison the really loud fussy passengers ( confessions I’m lowkey one of them😂) burrofcoz here I was responding under my breath.

You know how hulk turns to hulk with all the muscle expansion, panting and enlargement? That was our driver here. *** zoning off … Let’s call the driver Mr.Hulk I like nicknames ***

Sasa mzee Hulk, knowing our lives were in his hand, decided to teach us all a lesson. ” mjishikilie vizuri mfike haraka!” He shouts . and boooooom he veers off the road to the side walk.

Then he starts to speed without regard to the way we were all being hurled around in the matatu. As deputy driver, I could barely open my eyes clenching to the seat which wasn’t even stable to start with.

TBH I was certain this would be my last matatu ride.After about ten minutes of this madness the matatu came to a halt and slowly I opened my eyes. Laughing hysterically, the driver orders us to get off.

Now guys, my seat had become wet…. And kujishuku in lazima😂. So after confirming I’m not the cause of the state of the seat, I turn to my seatmate. He couldn’t even make eye contact with me. Shaken, he got of and swiftly walked away with a pee patch on his lovely suit not daring to look back. How I wished I could help him I thought as the matatu drove away😐.

Sasa i am just here like…this is weird why is everyone looking at me and why do I feel the breeze on my left foot. Yaaaaaniiiiiii, I had lost my left shoe😂. And in that moment of panic, I fished out a left leg ngoma put it on and swiftly walked away not daring to look back😂😂

I must have been a sight to see … Well dressed young lady making a fashion statement in two different shoes for each leg👌🙄.

Carpe diem my people!!

#javvnation.

MATATU CHRONICLES – Dreamliner

Hey hey hey!

First of all you guys as I’m writing this I am drenched… This smart girl left her umbrella Yaaani… So I get to town and it’s pretty sunny so I quickly get to kencom and today I am feeling courageous enough to stand in line. And yes the line is hella long!

Wait… Apologies for the long silence… And no sijapanda bei ooh sijui uber everywhere… #Javvnation #matatulivesmatter

Where was I 🤔……

Ah yes… So I get to the line then it start drizzling… And the ninja in me keeps cheering me on. So it’s about six thirty pm and so I plug in my ear phones and now in the rain with a fire playlist I’m feeling invincible ( please if you saw me shivering… That was not my real face… I AM A STRONG BLACK WOMAN!)

then… This strong wind blows and alas! The rain intensifies but I’m almost at the front of the line and I’m certain I’ll board the next javv

So drenched, the few of us who opted to fight the good fight finally get to board the matatu.

So I sit at the window of the two sitter side… And snack on my pie as other passengers board. ( The pie story…. See next post)

BTW… I’m I the only one who low-key chooses who I want to sit with as they get in😂

So as adjudicator in chief of the seat mate association… I pick this guy… Looks well built and athletic and I’m just there struggling to make eye contact partly praying telepathy plays out to let him know that the sit next to me is specially set for him.

Yaaaaaaaaaaas! He gets the que and now smiling comes to sit next to me. So this is one of those days when I am not feeling chatty so… We just sit there in silence .

So you guys don’t know the definition of stuffy until you are in a javv on a rainy day with drenched people who are too cold to open the windows.

After like ten minutes we finally set off. So I pay my fare as I try to fight of sleep ’cause enyewe after a long day some rain and now a full tummy… I was struggling….

When I was picking buff guy I hadn’t thought through the kastruggle of how we would fit on that chair… So cause I was getting uncomfortable I sat leaning forward on my bag. And gradually drifted

…..I’m not sure if I am excited about this next bit or I’m embarrassed 😂😂😂

Good people….😂… When I opened my eyes…. I was shocked😅…he had stretch out his arm on the upper part of the seat and…. Guess who was safely tucked in his arm?😅😅

It was I!

And you know with all the confusion we wake up with after a nap…. I was just there smiling sheepishly 🙈. And before I could say thank you he got up and alighted 😂.

Now I’m home and I’m sure it was not a dream…. Cause everyone was just staring at me until I got to my stage and I was just there awe stuck…. (considering the fact that I have been laughing at people who sleep in javvs)

Perfect stranger was the perfect stranger….

Ps: if you are reading this Mr. Buff guy… We need to talk… #findmymrbuff

Carpe Diem!!

SUNNY SIDE UP – about a week ago!

About a week ago…

About a week ago , I was feeling optimistic when the sun came out and for once I felt it’s warmth.

About a week ago, I genuinely smiled for the first time in a long time ….that explains the state of my ashy lips.

About a week ago , the feeling of the wind on my face brought me closer back to the very reason I wanted to feel… Hence the burst of emotions.

About a week ago I spoke with such bliss and my dark cloud sat next to me in awe at the fact that I speak at all.

About a week ago , I thought a thought that didn’t require caution tape around it to prevent any further damage.

About a week ago I finally looked in the mirror and recognized the person I saw… It’s been forever since I saw her.

She’s beautiful BTW, maybe not ready to be back though because….

About a week ago, she packed up like the last time and hit the road running.

Funny how she always told said ” if you ever see me running, you had better run faster, cause our lives are probably in danger” simply she doesn’t run unless she has to.

About a week ago, I was alone again, but this time I know she’s coming back!

MATATU CHRONICLES – Crazy Monday!

I keeeeeeeeent!!

Just cannot even! *sigh!*

So hello Monday morning… Why would you do me like this though… *sobs*

 

So I finally resumed school… So I’m back to my crazy morning marathon.

Sasa today… It was raining so bad in the morning so I had to wait until it was better so I could leave the house…. Only to get to the stage and realize everyone else was thinking like me😂
Anyway I get to the stage and the longer a javv takes to get here the more people converge at the bus stop… The more my anxiety rises
Battling five people for a seat is okay… But now there are twelve..oh wait …twenty…. Oh nooo I’ve lost count… There are like five million people here * okay super lie lol *
Base line…is I’m out of practice for this… So a javv finally gets here and after the good fight…(battle steps and matatu life hacks are on my previous post so you can peep) there for tips)..I have to settle for a back sit… Big L
Ooh the music in this javv today …makes me feel like I’m in a crusade my freeeeen…then its on full blast yaaaaani …alafu there is no leg room … And the traffic woi… Issbadbad!!
BTW did you know the pavements along Ngong road don’t have the same number of tiles… Though they are in a sort of logarithm…. Yes I’m still counting… A tally shall be done in due course… But why I’m I counting?…. Aaah yes …we’ve been stuck at this very spot for like 10 minutes now and I don’t think the person I’m witted next to and I are at level conversation of this trip yet… Still at grace period …😂😂

Oh things just got weird… So we’ve just been listening to this crusade type of music then its gone silent then…..”wasafi…!” Diamonds song starts playing…kwisha😂😂😂… The way this music just flipped is super crazy… To think its one long mix…why would a dj do this?

Ooh look traffic is now moving… I’m about to get off I’ve got to go now… If you have any good excuses I can use today please hit me up… And in case you are reading this and you’re already in class please just support my excuse😛

Carpe diem!

Sunny Side Up!- This love hate affair.

​I know I promised it was the last time…

But you were there you saw it all.

I hope you understand that… It wasn’t my decision to make..

But you know I love you .. Right?

Hand! Hand ! Listen…

You know I love you…

But sometimes I have to…

All these crazy thoughts have me feeling so numb…you were there you saw.
All I needed was to feel something…

So the blade was all I knew…

So I know you don’t fancy this abusive relationship we have but its the only way I can feel…

I love you … Cause of how you make me feel…. You’re my sanity

But you know insanity clicks sometimes and I have to curve these lines on you just to remember why I live.

Over the years your tears have turned scarlet red but don’t fret Darling…

Just one last time!

Wishes! – Sunny side up.

​I wish I wasn’t so outspoken …cause maybe then…you would understand that there is a scared me behind all this.

I wish I didn’t laugh so often… Cause maybe you’d empathize and not just settle on “aaah she’s having a bad day”

I wish I wasn’t this popular…. Cause maybe then I’d have an honest tag “broken! ” rather than “Slay! Slay!”

I wish the cool captions and comments were what I could soak my bones in….cause maybe just maybe it would feel the emptiness

I wish I could hear the right music when the monsters in my head start to scream.

I wish this was not just some literally works …cause then you’d read between the lines and realize it’s a broken girl reaching out!

But only getting an applause for such great creativity… In portraying the troubles no one except her can fathom.

I wish the sun would stay out…and never have to go cause he was the only one who stayed long enough in her life… And always came back smiling.
I wish I may I wish I might have the wish I wish that’s right!

MATATU CHRONICLES – Life hacks 101

The biggest hustle of being in a Kenyan javv is definitely in the early morning rush hour. Having stood at a stage for soooooo long everyone starts getting impatient and frustrated so there is scramming for the javv then the hustle of  actually getting space in the javv
This morning, I’m running late to meet a home girl of mine and despite it being a Saturday… The hustle still continues😑

So step one …. Ruuuuuun and scramble for that javv … Battle a few people here and there then baaaaam get to the door of the javv

Then… I’m just about to get on and the driver decides he’s going to set off so I frantically cling on to the railing at the door…. One hand on the rail the other clutching my bag cause I could loose it in this fiasco…

Finally run a little to get momentum to jump on and then…pheeeeew! I’m in the javv…
So now here is where your prowess in a javv has got to come through😂😂

The isle is full but you need to grab the rail on the roof to maintain your stability

Yes this rail thingy …..

At the same time you need to ensure that you don’t get stepped on so…here is the test of multitasking.

Kwanza today I’m in open shoes *disaster in progress* 

So I’ve settled in… Eyes on rail … Eyes on the ground …then back and fourth ..now on a loop cause isspart of the hustle.
Theeeeeeeen…. Your reflex has to be super good cause there is always that clamsy person whose body is like jello and they have zero stability so they are likely to bump into you over and over …

Let’s not forget the people of the hands😑…. These ones are the ones who are holding the rail with one hand and have no idea what to do with the other… So their hand keep touching your face and arm “accidentally”!

Then here is one short person * note — I love my short people* who is getting super frustrated cause they can’t reach  out that high so they are just left perfecting the art of surfing hapo!!!

Lastly… The part I really hate… The fact that there is too much… Body contact now you need your elbows out… To protect yourself….

So get this …. One hand up the other elbow out tip toe…then keep ducking once in a while trying to evade the hands people🙌…for about an hour every morning.

Please… If you have noticed a drop in my weight and I told you I was at the gym….ISSALIE!!! #matatucardio

Carpe Diem!!